To start, given the sensitivity of this question, I commend you for displaying your courage for asking this question that troubles many, in various ways and for a plethora of reasons. Quite a few patients in a hospice where I did Pro Bono one on one coaching implicitly expressed fear of reaching life transition. One patient exhibited fear sadness & regret. And another, for instance, peace met me most times I met with her. Quite frankly she calmly felt, in her words, “Ready”. What difference in views subsist in the presence of this inevitable process that actually serves to highlight the value of life when it comes to mind? Well, though more exist, following are a few immediately applicable actions, that’s shifted many, including myself, from fearing death.
Now, before I get started, I’d like to take a moment to say, this article is not meant to encourage recklessness that pumps adrenaline in the face of death. Nor, is it to take life nonchalantly, or as if it’s meaningless because you are valuable; you are useful; you are worthy of living life. Instead, it’s purpose is to help you pursue the Life you deserve to Live that fear of death can rob you of living.
Some fear death without having any sickness or illness at the time, and one action you can begin to take to shift focus off of dying is to… Live by Focusing on Learning & Understanding Why You’re Here. It was Mark Twain who stated, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Purpose under girds our existence in all of us. It sheds light to know and understand why that is, to stave off any fears of exiting life before your Good Works are completed. For, even in those who were, to our limited understanding, taken too early, have often made impacts on society for the greater good.
After learning & understanding why you’re here, Be Meaningful in What You Do While You’re Here. Doing so empowers you to live an intentionally purposeful life, causing you to wake up each morning not thinking about the bad that might happen, but excited about the good that your going to do during the day that positively affects others. For, being a blessing to others causes you to be blessed in one or more various ways, even if those you help are unable to directly reciprocate.
Believing that You’re Going to a Good Place After You’ve Lived leaves less space for fear death. Often fear, in general, creeps in due to uncertainty; uncertainty of how things will work out, uncertainty of how people will perceive you, uncertainty of what’s on the other side of the process of dying. I believe that the process of dying transitions us from one life to another, from the only life we know, to another. And, when you don’t have a sense of what that “other” life is like, it can be quite daunting. Peace settles in here, as you become assured that, when you’ve completed the good works you were placed here to complete, you simply move on to another more pleasant state of life. Because, truly, a future hope awaits you beyond this life.
If you’re someone who has survived a near death experience, one or more reasons are waiting for you to Discover Why You’re Still Here. This somewhat loops back to the first tip I mentioned with a slight difference; a change of stages of life. For example, when you’re on assignment, assignments end, and you’re sent on a new one. This can be a similar state you’re going through. You were spared to bring some sort of positive impact to the world, possibly related to your experience. Instead of allowing the fear of what almost happened hold you back, discover how you can use either what caused what occurred, or what almost happened, to enrich the lives of others.
One of the biggest fears of death can be lessened by Becoming at Peace in Forgiveness for Regrets. Every human being does a wrong thing, at a wrong time, to the wrong person, at times. Sometimes we do them to ourselves. Some have regret for not living the life they wanted to live, or should’ve lived. They didn’t travel more, or didn’t stand up for themselves like they know they should have but was too afraid to do. It could be they feel it’s too late to fulfill a purpose that they’ve just discovered for one reason or another. Others have regrets for mistreating others, or not being able to be as good to others as they thought they should be. The one hospice patient I worked with that had fear, sadness, & regret had difficulty forgiving herself for a 35 year estrangement between her and one of her children that was in no sight of being rectified before she would pass away, as well as, the suicide of her brother many years before. During our time of my visiting her weekly, she began to understand and let go of her guilt, and embrace the fact that, in some relationships, we make mistakes because of circumstances that may have limited our access to better ways of handling issues. For, as intelligent as many people can be, no one knows everything all the time, and that in & of itself deserves mercy and grace providing the ability to let what weighs us down go. Regarding her brother, she began to accept & remind herself that she did the best she could with trying to help him cope, but though many may try, no person can truly control what another ultimately chooses to do. In your case, perhaps you were a soldier who experienced combat, and things didn’t turn out the way you would have liked, for others or yourself. Forgiving yourself, understanding that there’s no shame in being a fallible human, receiving that you can be forgiven, and when you allow yourself to forgive, fear loses its hold on you that causes feelings like you’ve left something undone, whenever it’s your time to cross over to the good place that awaits you.
Knowing and understanding the good works you were placed here to do, operating in those good works, believing a good place has been prepared for us to go to by our Creator at the end of this life, staying abreast on change of stage of life assignments of purpose, and forgiving both yourself and others, can increase the peace you seek around the end of life.
Once again, on such a sensitive topic that can be further unfolded to reach much deeper levels, I greatly appreciate your question. And, welcome any others that may be triggered based on the provided answer in this article. Feel free to leave any in the comments below, or send another question privately.
May peace that surpasses all understanding increasingly fill you and engulf your surroundings from this day forward!
Love You to Life!
Lukeisha Carr, BCACLC
Coaching to Cultivate the Abundant Life on an Unshakable Foundation!